I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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