i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
