After last night, I could never be a politician.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
