ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
