Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
These tits shall not be calmed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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