i will never coherently bang her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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