I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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