I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
