fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
