no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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