I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
