Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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