Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
