so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
