6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize