she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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