I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
