I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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