it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
