So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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