Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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