I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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