it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
