I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
