dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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