My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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