the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
