Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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