i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
