I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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