He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
