i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
