I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
