I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
