no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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