yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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