toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
