Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
