He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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