So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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