That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
