1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it hurts more in the daytime
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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