You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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