her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love you.
Bad choice
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
