i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
