I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
