I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
zippers are such a cool invention
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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