I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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