I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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