I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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