Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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