I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
