I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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