Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
