My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
