I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
