Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
