how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
