if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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