It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
