i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
pop tarts are not kleenex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
