Just cropdusted the office
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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