He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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