Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
